AP Biology

I don't understand why I'm posting this two days before my AP exam. I was once lost in AP Biology and my confidence was shattered. I think I've overcome the obstacle, though I'm not quite sure. My stomach felt hollow whenever I thought about the exam. It's an AP exam and I feel pressured. By the exam, by myself, and by the principal. I learned that “sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you”. I can't exactly respond when people ask me "If you hate AP Biology, why did you take the course?". Truth was that I didn't know my answer either. I thought I could make it since I was capable, yet the fact proved otherwise. I was ashamed that my peers believe that I can score a 5 easily. Truth was that I lacked confidence. The AP Biology exam was revised and yes--- unfortunately-- I felt like a guinea pig. A guinea pig in the lab. Sometimes you just don't have choices but to keep going on. You can't turn your head back because it's your decision. You may not enjoy the process, but you'll enjoy the outcome if you work hard. You have to focus and have confidence in yourself. 

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.” 

I will be strong. I will smile. I will live my life to the fullest. I will create my own story. I will embrace my bright future. Yes, I can. I will succeed and ace the exam.

Let it Go

I think I'll hate him. My mind drifts, yet my memories roll like a wave toward me. Do you know that I keep remembering you? Even though I didn't want to remember him, his face emerges and diverts my attention. I wonder what will happen if he's a student in our school. I wonder what will happen if he instantly appears on the hallway and I might become stunned and stare at him agape. My daily life might change. I'm almost absolutely sure that he'll become my friend and we will chat for hours. He'll understand me and support me whenever I face difficulties. However, I should let it go right now as my imagination is impractical and hopeless. I shouldn't look forward to an impossible dream. I should be focusing on my work. I can't help but imagine the what-ifs. The letter, hiding deep in my drawer...... I didn't throw it away. I still preserve and keep it since it's a secret. He wrote it, and I never forget it. It's hard to let go, but I just have to try. For now, I'm sincerely happy that he's successful as usual. He indeed has a bright future. We become parallel lines, and don't converge anymore. Who knows? Someday, he might appear on the hallway and wave his hand enthusiastically at me.

A Real-Life Love Story

I just read the most adorable romance I've EVER known in real life. Like seriously. She's a Taiwanese girl. He's a German boy. They met through msn. Though they come from different countries, they fall in love with each other. No matter how far away, the boy flied to Taiwan. (OMG! Seriously? The Internet is usually full of scandal and trickery) He met the girl and stayed with her. He got jealous of another boy (YOU'RE ADORABLE) and he became reckless. He was so obstinate and stubborn that he decided to leave immediately. The girl cried and screamed and told him that she didn't cheat on him. Although she explained for 2 hours, the boy didn't believe her. Eventually, the girl relented and gave up. She thanked him for coming to Taiwan from Germany and blessed him to become successful after he left her. She hugged him and said "I love you very, very much" and thanked him for loving her back. And he cried. He asked again whether she tricked him or not. She said that she didn't cheat on him. She willed him to believe her. He cried like a baby and asked her not to leave him. Their love became more steadfast :DD

The boy's name is Daniel Schweikert and the girl's name is Meng Ping. Go search their wonderful love story :)

Moments

There are moments in your life when you just want to feel and touch and go back to your previous life. To meet your childhood friends. And there are moments when you realize that you're not exactly happy and you don't want to pretend anymore. There's no point of faking personalities in order to be friends. There's no point of being friends if we don't have the same ideals and common goals. I should have believed in my intuition and judged the situation accurately. I should have been observant and won lifelong friends. I feel like talking and laughing with my friend. He always makes me laugh and understands me. Not after we graduate though. I realize that I miss him so much that I start to play the game. Of course I miss the blissful innocence of the game too. In the game, I visit his house and surprisingly realize that the house of my address is still on his placard. It has been almost 4 years. 4 years ago, we chatted in the game and he sent me gifts to decorate my house. And I could never forget the caption. 3 years ago, we met in a friend's house. 2 years ago, none of us dares to acknowledge each other's presence on social network. I sincerely hope that he can reappear in my life and chat with me again.

Dream

I love to read. I'm dreamy yet practical. I wonder whether I read books because I want to live in a fairyland. Become Cinderella. I should have known that life isn't a fairy tale. The romance is always oh-so-lovely and the guys are swoon-worthy. In the real world, there's no perfect romance. The lovers must undergo the difficulties and overcome the obstacles. I covet the romance in the fictional world. I wonder how and why do guys fall in love with particular girls. Is it coincidence? Or is it destiny? Or is it merely a mirage created by the author? I have no idea and I don't want to discover the truth. I'm too sensitive to understand the truth. I still want to be the dreamy girl who is optimistic and happy-go-lucky. I don't want to grow up. I want to live in my own beautiful and safe bubble. If love is destined to destroyed, then why do I have to experience the pain? My mind is calm as the still water and I hope that it can always trickle, instead of surging like a wave.

Prodigy

He is beauty, inside and out.
He is the silver lining in a world of darkness.
He is my light.
       -June Iparis

Sobbing uncontrollably, shouting nonsense, and screaming at the characters. Yes, that was my instant reaction after I finished Prodigy. As a good student LOL, I barely swear. However, I swore f*** right after I finished the book. How can Marie Lu torture her readers with a bloody cliffhanger? My heart was broken, torn apart, bleeding like hell.


I don't think that I'm capable of expressing my emotions better than the following review. And I don't feel that I can write a coherent book review without venting my depression and sorrow. Thus, I'll provide a review which absolutely portrays my angst. D:

"Prodigy, though, in a word, is lost. So many sacrifices, so many fears, so many character developments, so many plot twists, so much genius that even a hundred Hershey's bars wouldn't stack up in comparison. This book was not a rollercoaster: it was a freaking cannonball. You don't even get the time to prepare with the proper goggles before Marie pushes you into the waters from a height beyond Shangri-la. Then the words wrap around you like air currents and slam you down into the water with a splash that hurt more than a hundred million bombs setting on fire."

Truth

Since when, I've lost all my interest in biology........ I've forgotten. The desire to major in bio-engineering had vanished when time elapsed.

“You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear."

I do believe in the quote. Or I did. However, when I tried to grab biology as tightly as I could, it was unraveling, an insubstantial thread sliding between my fingers, too fine to hold. My interests were lost in a wave of nausea. In the meanwhile, the world just goes on the same as always, night cycling into day and back into night, an endless circle; seasons shifting and reforming like a monster shaking off its skin and growing it again. I was no longer the ignorant girl who believes in herself. I grew. I changed. I didn't believe that I could soar into the sky or fly above the icy walls. There was an invisible gap between me and biology. And I didn't dare to cross the gap. Or I didn't want to cross the gap. There laid biology, in the wind, the tempest, the storm, and the rain. There was nothing that I could do, but let go.